


Harsh Potatoes

by jademark



Series: Given Prompts [35]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Potatoes, death mention in dialogue, teen audiences bc swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22264459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jademark/pseuds/jademark
Summary: "Ashley accidentally creates 'harsh potatoes' and decides she must hide them in Shepherd's cabin"
Series: Given Prompts [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599073
Kudos: 1





	Harsh Potatoes

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a series of ficlets inspired by strange prompts from my sister.

Ashley tinkered with a family potato recipe in the kitchen. She reached for the salt, but selected the next container over as she looked down and lowered the heat.

Moments later, she could hear a voice saying, "Shepard should have left you on Virmire instead of Kaidan.” 

Ashley looked around and spotted Javik standing in the corner.

"Can I help you?" Javik said.

"Did you just say something?"

"I did not. Are you hearing things, human?"

"My name is Ashley Williams. And someone just said..." It wasn't Javik's voice, but who else could it be?

"Look, I've had it with your attitude," Ashley faced him. "Always calling us primitives, putting us down every opportunity you get. If it bothers you to work with us that much, I'm sure the Commander could find something else for you to do."

"You will fail to be the voice of your people," the disembodied voice said again.

Javik walked over. "What did you put in your food?"

Ashley examined the shaker on the counter. "Salt."

"I see the problem here. This is not salt. It is the crystallized criticism that my people used to drive them to work harder."

"I really hope you're joking."

"I am not, and for someone who values respect, there is a significant lack of it in your attitude. No, in my cycle, many soldiers found it motivating."

Ashley stared at the pot. "What happens if a human ingests it?"

"Theoretically, it should make you angrier. That is what it did for us Protheans anyway. Who knows what would happen if your kind ingested it, though. It could easily be fatal. I don't think a human could handle it."

"You will die a coward, just like your grandfather," the disembodied voice issued from the potatoes.

"How does it even know what to say?" Ashley said.

"Do you mean to tell me your kind are not advanced enough to create motivating food additives?"

"I guess that all depends on how you define 'advanced,'" Ashley said.

"Look, human, your kind cannot continue in your primitive ways if you want to earn galactic respect or destroy the Reapers," Javik walked away.

"Oh yeah? Is that why you were all still wiped out by the Reapers?" Ashley shouted at him. She turned back to the potatoes. There was someone else who could use some criticism, now that she thought about it. For a reason she could never comprehend, Shepard turned her back on the Alliance and aided Cerberus for some time. It was an uncharacteristic act of betrayal she never genuinely acknowledged. Ashley turned off the stove, slipped on the oven mitts and with the pot in her hands, she made her way to Shepard’s cabin which she knew would be unoccupied at this time of day. She hid the potatoes under her desk. 

Shepard returned to her cabin for the night. “Why does my cabin smell like potatoes?” she said. 

“Even with all your preparations you won’t be powerful enough to defeat the Reapers,” a disembodied voice said.

“Hilarious. Come on out,” Shepard folded her arms. She waited. 

“A lot of lives were lost under your leadership,” the voice said. 

Shepard traced the voice to a pot of potatoes under her desk. “What the hell,” she said. 


End file.
